Vaccination Nation


Vaccination Nation

Once again, Russia have proven themselves to be true world leaders at the frontlines of progress and innovation. In a country that’s always been at the forefront of things like personal freedom, not imprisoning people for arbitrary reasons and upholding gay rights, you’d only expect them to be the first one’s to come up with a Coronavirus vaccine. 


The Russians were hoping their vaccine would be the kind of groundbreaking life changing thing that would dominate the news cycle for days. Then Kamala Harris happened. Seriously, people pretty much forgot all about Russia and the Coronavirus and were just really excited to talk about how she was the first woman ever on a democratic presidential ticket, (meanwhile Hillary Clinton sat at home disappointed that obviously not enough people had watched her Netflix special and basically forgot that her entire presidential run ever happened.)


The Russians are planning mass vaccinations in October…which is fitting because the only thing scarier than a normal year’s Halloween where middle aged women attempt to dress up as sexy nurses whilst handing out candy to their children’s friends is a Halloween where half the population gets really sick from a vaccine that clearly never underwent a full phase 3 trial. 


Many Western countries have expressed concerns about the safety of Russia’s COVID vaccine. They are worried that the Russians might actually do a lot of harm by rolling out this unvetted vaccine. But like the Russians already managed to get Donald Trump into office, so it’s unclear how much more harm they can actually do. 


Meanwhile the US, the UK and Canada have each accused Russia of stealing their COVID-related research. Fair enough from the US and the UK…but Canada? What does their COVID research subsist of rather other than standing a meter apart at Tim Horton’s and not borrowing each other’s snow ploughs?  


Still, Russia insists the vaccine is safe and Putin says that he’s already given it to his daughter. Because when the entire world has eyes on you and is questioning the veracity of your claims, always best to have your daughter take a potentially dangerous untested drug. 


Other countries are also concerns that if the vaccine does turn out to be healthy, it will diminish everyone’s confidence in vaccination in general, and the entire world will become anti-vaxxers like Jenny McCarthy (whose looks and marriage to a bonafide Wahlberg are impressive, but whose medical credentials are not). 

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