They Can Stop You All.

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They Can Stop You All.

On September 20th at 3 pm, over 1 million people will overthrow Area 51. That is if people stand by their Facebook promise of storming Area 51 because “They can’t stop all of us”.

The reason for this field trip of self-sacrifice: “let’s see them Aliens”. But it’s not just promises and banter; there is a master plan that they’ve conveniently posted on their Facebook page for the military to see.

For those of you unfamiliar with Area-51, it’s a secret (although?) and highly protected military facility that is claimed to be the home of experiments conducted by the US government.

 

Until 2013 the US government would not admit that Area 51 was even a military base. Rumours of Area 51 started in the 1980s by Robert Lazar, who claimed to have worked close to the base. If Robert is to be believed, Area 51 was meant to reverse engineer nine extraterrestrial flying saucers to use the superior alien technology in the military. No evidence was ever found, and in 1990, Robert was found guilty of running a prostitution ring (Coincidence!?!?). He was subsequently. Perhaps they thought Robert could finish his work that way.

 

Since then, Area 51 is constantly accused of doing dodgy things. Specifically, experiments relating to Aliens. Avid watchers of Alex Jones, or people who only eat things grown in their own garden, will tell you that this is where aliens are kept and experimented on. No, not ‘illegal aliens’ and their children who are kept in migrant detention centres, but extraterrestrial aliens – the ones Hollywood does talk about.

 

Of course, 1.2 million people won’t actually turn up. But, one-hundred? one-thousand? There’s definitely going to be someone in pyjamas armed with a lightsaber from the lost and found bin who thinks homosexuality was invented by the CIA to fight the government. Good luck to them.

 

Apart from the poor soul that’s going to walk into a world of misery in a few weeks, there is some humour in the inevitable meetings going on at the Pentagon about this issue. “But, what if they actually go through with it” said the General…

 

As a result of these meetings, the US government took a break from torturing foreign prisoners and throwing rocks at North Korea to release a statement.

 

The US government “discourages anyone from trying to come in the area” and “the airforce stands ready to protect America (insert eagle) and its assets”. All well and good – but what would they do if a million do turn up? The logic of killing Americans to protect America might need some thinking through.

 

On the plus side, seeing as Area 51 lies in a desert wasteland, this would be an excellent opportunity for some target practice.

 

In the meantime, the founder of said movement, says this was a joke all along. And to avoid his family and eight future generations to live in captivity on a Cuban island somewhere – he said anyone who does end up storming Area 51 would not be his responsibility.

 

But, could this be an elaborate ploy? Maybe, the US government set up the Facebook page to try and attract as many basement-dwelling Alex Jones followers as possible. Question is, will they capture them safely and send them to Europe, or breed them into superhumans to support the Trump 2020 campaign?

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