The Times They Are A-Changing


The Times They Are A-Changing


Out of the 4.2 million people running to become the next presidential nominee for the Democrats in 2020, Bernie Sanders has emerged as the frontrunner. This is a new position for Comrade Sanders who came out of nowhere to rightfully, but not actually, swipe the nomination out of Hillary’s cold robot claw.


This year has been one of Kafka-esque metamorphoses for Bernie. Politically, no longer the outsider, he bears the heavy beret of being favorite. Personally, he has become a millionaire.




Surely, that’s gotta be it for the commie! Praise the lord, America isn’t going to descend into some kind of Orwellian Swedish nightmare where the government pays for your medical expenses and wearing pastel polo shirts isn’t a prerequisite for further education. We already came close when that Muslim Kenyan took over.


So, if he’s lost all his salt-of-the-earth, one-of-the-people vibe, why are the kale-munching snowflakes still behind him? Because they’re hypocrites? Maybe – save the whales but kill babies and all. Because Sanders connected with his constituency on a deeper level than just over a superficial image? Also, maybe. It seems people didn’t vote for him because he was the dark horse (or donkey), or because he was poor. His policy proposals – of which he had somevs. Clinton’s none– appealed to a voter base worried about where the country was headed. And since all he said about rich people was that they should pay taxes and he has since released his own tax returns all the way back to when ‘Viva la Vida’ wasn’t met with ubiquitous groans, the millionaire thing doesn’t seem to be a deal-breaker.


Sanders hasn’t lost his charm to the hemp-wearing crowd. On the contrary, by supporting AOC’s Green New Deal he’s even added environmentalism to his repertoire. Liberals like that. Then they can keep petting polar bears for a while longer or whatever. So, in this time of twists and turns, investigations, hirings and firings, and incipient nuclear war with North Korea, the revolutionary-turned-millionaire might be the most consistent thing this crazy world has to offer.

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