Shake, Rattle and Glow
How do you end up in a car full of radioactive uranium, a rattlesnake, a handgun and an open bottle of whiskey? The answer is a mystery, but police in the small town of Guthrie, Oklahoma are wondering just that after a recent traffic stop turned up a couple in a stolen car meeting the above description. Life is strange indeed, but just how strange does it have to get for you to be driving with a can of radioactive uranium drunk on whiskey and a massive timber rattlesnake doing his thing in the backseat?
“There’s quite a few unanswered questions,” said Guthrie Police Sgt. Anthony Gibbs said, adding that “the uranium is the wild card in that situation.”
Talk about understatement of the century.
Imagine going to a buffet dinner and being told: now for the wildcard dish prepared by our esteemed chef, uranium-roasted salmon with a hint of thyme!
The driver in question, Stephen Jennings, was accompanied by one Rachel Rivera. In his defence, Jennings has a valid license for hunting and is technically allowed to possess and take the rattlesnake with him. Just so we’re clear: rattlesnake in the car, no problem (at least in Oklahoma).
Timber rattlesnakes are highly poisonous, but there’s apparently no need to worry because they’re scared of people. Looking at Jennings and Rivera, wouldn’t you be scared, too? Not that judging by appearance is always a good idea (just that judging by appearances isn’t always necessarily the worst idea).
Jennings is looking at charges for possession of a stolen vehicle, transporting an open container of liquor, operating a vehicle with a suspended license, and failure to carry a security verification form, while Rivera is facing charges for possession of a firearm which is illegal for her after being convicted on a former felony in the past.
Were Jennings and Rivera part of a fundamentalist cult that uses rattlesnakes to test the righteousness of believers and delivering uranium to their leader? Or were they just innocent patsies for whoever’s car they happened to steal? Maybe being petty thieves was just getting old and they decided to get into the dirty nuke business. Perhaps we’ll never know, but we can always hope for a future movie version of the Jennings-Rivera saga starring Samuel L. Jackson called “Snakes In A Radioactive Car.”
“Aw, I ain’t afraid of no timber rattlesnake, man, they’s afraid of humans,” Jennings played by Jackson mocks.
“Oh yeah,” Rivera (played by Jessica Alba) retorts. “What about a radioactive rattlesnake who eats uranium for breakfast?”