Scientologists Under Quarantine to Stop -Not Scientology- Measles From Spreading

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Scientologists Under Quarantine to Stop -Not Scientology- Measles From Spreading

A cruise ship owned by the church of Scientology is on the run, after being quarantined when a case of measles was confirmed. The ship was being held in St. Lucia and the local government ordered passengers to stay on the ship. This to stop, not Scientology, but measles from spreading. The island did not have the authority to ground the ship, so after scraping together 100 measles vaccines, it set sail to Curacao. 

 

So, to prepare the people of Curacao, first a bit more about Scientology:

 

Scientology believes ‘Xenu’, the dictator of the universe (obviously), brought billions of humans to earth 75 million years ago in a spacecraft. Xenu subsequently killed all of them with hydrogen bombs and volcanoes, but the immortal alien spirits remained alive and live off human beings. Not convinced? Understandable, they could have picked something credible like an invisible man zapping us into life 6000 years ago.

 

According to Tommy Davis, a spokesman for the church, the religion essentially comes down to ridding the body of space alien parasites. In order to do this, Scientologists first measure spiritual labour in a human, after which they start ‘auditing’, or cleansing the soul of spiritual disabilities. Essentially a large self help organisation. That, and one that kidnaps people, forces abortions and blackmails defectors. But, this is not for nothing. In return, when you reach the highest level of Scientology, you will become impervious to ‘Wog Illness” – Wog’s being average humans against the superior Scientologist. So, even though this comes at a time where the number of measles infections is at a 25 year high in the United States, there is no need to worry about the Scientologists. 

 

With the help of a few celebrities along the way, Scientology has gained credibility. As a result, like other congregations of alternative facts, The IRS even granted them a church with a tax-exempt status. Curious how a tax exempt organisation owns a 110m long cruise ship.

 

The aim of the ship according to the Scientology website is to provide “a religious retreat ministering the most advanced level of spiritual counselling in the Scientology religion”. The ship allows Scientologists to “devote [themselves] entirely to [their] religious practice and in the company of people who share his religious commitment and outlook on life in general”. This naturally includes sharing infectious diseases. If only all anti-vax communities would be so selfless as to gather in confined spaces far away from land. 

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