Professor Genius and the Pregnancy Plot
New York Magazine came out recently with a story about Harvard Law Professor Bruce Hay, that should put questions as to whether Professors are always boring old and grey to rest. The only one to come close to Prof. Hay is King’s College senior lecturer Niall Mccrae – specialising in mental health – who tried to stab a Brexit protester in the face with a British flag.
The short version is that Professor Hay was, allegedly, falsely tricked into believing he got a young woman named Maria-Pia Shuman pregnant and then taken on a massive rollercoaster ride to hell by Shuman and her friend, transgender activist and Harvard physics student Mischa Haider.
Hay’s rollercoaster ride included having his house stolen out from under him, fake rape allegations leading to his suspension as a professor, having his vehicle rammed by a rented Zipcar and much, much more.
It all sounds like a new Farrelly Brothers movie script but it’s real life.
The twist? Hay specifically teaches a course at Harvard on “Judgment and Decision-Making.”
How many of Hay’s former students have had horrible stolen identity incidents after applying to that fishy-sounding job-listing on Craigslist or reasoned that the nice man on the corner selling white powder is probably just trying to introduce them to a new kind of Himalayan table salt?
Maybe his students should have been taking notes the whole time of the exact opposite of what Hay was saying.
Was this all a practical joke by Hay? Was it 42-D chess on a life-sized board? Is he actually Sacha Baron Cohen doing a deeper-than-deep impersonation of a half-witted liberal professor? Wait, Cohen already did that one …
Hay himself even wrote a whining article in 2016 for Slate crowing about his poor transgender friend Haider and bathroom access. Kind of ironic that Hay and all his home’s bathrooms would subsequently get owned, not just in the online sense but in the literal sense—by those poor souls he was defending.
So how did Hay get embroiled in this fake-rape-rodeo?
Shuman first approached Hay in a hardware store in 2015 and told him he was attractive somewhere near the screwdriver aisle while he was looking for picture hooks. Shuman made up a bullshit story about herself and claimed to be the daughter of American songwriter Mort Shuman (“Viva Las Vegas,” “Save the Last Dance for Me,” etc) At first Hay wasn’t feeling it but after the two stayed in touch his logic skills quickly surrendered to other forces.
After everything that happened the song would be better rewritten as “Save the Last Picture Hook for Me (To Stab Myself With)”
According to the article’s kicker it’s quite likely the motivation wasn’t just money but because Shuman and Haider “really hate the patriarchy.”
What a cliche. Doesn’t anybody come up with original material these days?
It also seems like a giant wake-up call: what the hell is wrong with the world?