On Your Bike!


On Your Bike!

Britain, Europe’s fattest nation by far, is slowly coming to the realisation that having a population that resembles the space ship from WALL-E is an incredibly expensive, dangerous, and undesirable problem. 


Over 60% of people in England are either overweight or obese and the issue has become a publicly priority of the government in recent weeks. It has been revealed that being over-weight is one of the major reasons why someone might suffer severe coronavirus symptoms or even die from the disease. Which will be a surprise to literally no one. 


As it turns out, one thing this pandemic has revealed is that if the UK was a state in the US it would be in competition with Tennessee, Kentucky, and Mississippi for the number one fat spot. So, the UK is almost as fat as the place that invented KFC. 


Boris Johnson himself has come out and said he was ‘too fat’ when he contracted coronavirus and spent several nights in an intensive care unit. His solution? Chasing a small dog around a park every morning because ‘nothing could be worse for the rest of the day’. 


‘Buy one get one free’ deals at fast-food takeaways are to be banned and doctors will prescribe cycling as a way to lose weight to patients. The government intends to make cycling safer and cheaper in urban areas to reinforce this. 


Commuting to work by bike should become easier than ever… although a lot of people probably won’t have a job to cycle to soon.


As for the other fattest nation of earth, the United States, a similar open and honest top-down approach to their obesity epidemic is unlikely. Any effort to address the issue would have to start with Donald Trump admitting that he is fat and we’re more likely to rediscover Hilary’s 30,000 deleted emails before that ever happens. 


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