OAPs to Fund Ailing NHS

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OAPs to Fund Ailing NHS

It’s a heartwarming story. A ninety-nine-year-old WW2 veteran pledges to walk in the garden of his care home every day until his hundredth birthday to raise money for the NHS. At this point, he’s done more laps than Lewis Hamilton or Prince Andrew ever will, and  raised more than 30 million pounds.

 

‘Captain Tom’s also received some 160,000 cards from around the world thanking him for his contribution and congratulating him on reaching the age of 100 with the press labelling him ‘the perfect hero for our times’.

 

But just why is it that the NHS is so strapped for cash that it requires an aged war veteran to run around a proverbial hamster wheel to raise funds? Every time an election rolls around the parties unanimously declare they’re all ‘the party of the NHS’; the entire country left the EU so more money could go there and even Nigel Farage is taking breaks from casual racist visits to the British coast to bang his pans for the health professionals.

 

What sort of message is this sending? Perhaps the way out of this crisis is to keep the health service running with a levée en masse of the country’s entire ageing population strolling around their gardens to generate cash. At least this way the high-risk group is making up for all the caring and body bags they require. Isn’t that what the NHS is all about anyway?

 

Still – this shouldn’t rain on Captain Tom’s parade. In fact, he has been recognised with a much-deserved promotion to the rank of honorary colonel by the Queen – or in his words, a young woman with a crown. On the veteran’s hundredth birthday a flyover was arranged with some socially distanced spitfire fighter jets…Which made sure that the entire 30 million the captain raised goes towards jet-fuel rather than those boring ventilators.

 

Of course, as we have already established, we are at war with the coronavirus. As such, it makes sense that there should be a bizarre Covid-blitz crossover to raise the national morale.

 

The Queen herself said that this generation of Britons would be ‘as strong as any’. Ah yes, by staying indoors and becoming couch potatoes we’re all just as resilient as Captain Tom’s generation, who endured air-raids, the threat of a Nazi invasion and now endless laps around a small garden.

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