Night of the living mink


Night of the living mink

Zombie-mink are rising from the dead in Denmark and threatening to spread a new and mysterious mutant coronavirus. Some months ago, the Danish government discovered that a new strain of COVID-19 was running rampant in the country’s mink population, whose silky pelts make up the bulk of Europe’s fur trade.


The Danish response? Minkocide. Some 17 million mink were culled and hastily buried in mass graves. Cut to now and it turns out not all of the mink were dead. Indeed, there is evidence that some of the mink have burrowed out of their shallow graves and stolen away into the countryside.


A fence around the pits will be put up to keep the zombified mutant mink from escaping and infecting wider society.


Another worry is that the decomposing bodies are releasing toxic gasses into the air that probably carry the virus. Worse still, these macabre plague pits, swelling with over 10,000 tonnes of dead mink, are located next to a bathing lake and a source of drinking water. Many are now asking whether mink-human transmission is likely to occur and what exactly this would mean for the pandemic.


The minkocide has all but ended the fur trade in Denmark and devastated the livelihoods of hundreds of mink farmers. Critics of the trade will be quick to pounce on this crisis and claim that the fur trade should never have been allowed in the first place, although culling the mink in their millions probably isn’t the best thing for animal rights either.


Visiting the farms recently, Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen wept over the plight of mink farmers.


“We have two generations of really skilled mink farmers, father and son, who in a very, very short time have had their life’s work shattered, and that… It’s been emotional for them. Sorry. For me as well”


But in a regrettable turn of events, the graves have been deemed illegal under environmental standards and local mayors are calling for them to be dug up and incinerated.


But while the crisis continues to unfold and their remains no evidence of inter-special transmission, Danes have advised each other on Twitter to ‘run… The mink are coming for you’.

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