King of the Coke-heads


King of the Coke-heads

When most people hear the term cokehead they think of an individual who is addicted to cocaine. Recent news out of Spain is bringing new meaning to cokehead, however, after an unnamed 65-year-old Colombian male was arrested at Barcelona airport trying to smuggle half a kilo of cocaine under his large toupee. This individual—let’s call him Alberto Cokenstein—was reportedly extremely nervous and wearing an odd-looking, massive hairpiece under a hat after landing in Barcelona from Bogota. 


This prompted police interest and led to the discovery of the cocaine and the man’s subsequent arrest. We can also hazard a solid guess that it led to some police laughter behind closed doors.


There’s stupid and then there’s stupid.  


Look at this toupee (pictured on the left). This looks like it should be a Saturday Night Live skit, not real life. 


It looks like Colombia has fallen a long way since the days of Pablo Escobar. These smugglers just have no style anymore, you know? Police say the value of the cocaine the man was smuggling has a street value of around $30,000 Euros or $34,000 US dollars. The thoughts inside his head probably have a street value of a two-week old pile of rotting garbage. 


Spain has an ongoing problem with so-called drug mules—ordinary men and women desperate for money who are paid to smuggle cocaine and other drugs—usually from Latin America. The moral question here is obvious and hard to decide: is this man more to blame for trying to smuggle drugs or the higher-up dealers who paid him to do it? If he goes away to jail for a long time his family will suffer; sure, it was his choice to try to take drugs into Spain, but in such a poor country as Colombia is he really, fully to blame? 


In any case, there are definitely more morally clear-cut cases where people try to smuggle drugs who don’t do it out of desperation for money.


Just recently a member of Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro’s security team was arrested in Seville, Spain with 39 kilograms of cocaine in his suitcase. The Brazilian individual was on a layover in Spain on the way to go to Japan for the G20 group to set up ahead of Bolsonaro’s meetings. It sounds like he was planning quite a shindig, although not everyone would have been onboard: US president Donald Trump reportedly prefers to snort Adderrall medication to get his fix.


The 2006 film Idiocracy increasingly appears to have been an optimistic documentary about the future. 


We’re going to need to put in an order for more red honking cocaine-filled clown noses and cocaine-stuffed clown shoes to suit out the crew on this giant ship of fools. 


Snort ahoy. 

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