If the Measles Don’t Put Them Off, This Probably Will


If the Measles Don’t Put Them Off, This Probably Will


In an attempt at showing what America is all about, a group of people took to their caravans, guns and Batman underwear to make America great again. Said group, or militia, calls itself the United Constitutional Patriots and is currently holding up migrant families at the US Border. In case their name didn’t make it clear enough, they have great sympathy for the Trump cause and say “This is an invasion. Gotta build the wall”. In the meantime they’ll be at your service.  

Facebook Group UCP

(The group carefully documents their work on social media)

For the leader of the group, Larry Hopkins, it’s not the first time playing dress up. A convicted fellow, he was previously arrested for showing 2 firearms to minors. To reassure the youngsters, Hopkins claimed he was a police officer by showing a “special agent” badge, presumably acquired from….? After 60 days in jail, he was free to continue his escapades. Ironically, Larry never showed up to his parole officer and fled the state. Larry is clearly more qualified to deal with fugitives than any border patrol officer. His partner in crime Jim Benvie concedes; “There’s (are?) very dangerous people here. That’s the reason we carry guns”. Don’t these guys have cans to spit in? Or moonshine to make in their mums’ bathtubs?

Mexico Border

The ACLU claims this is kidnapping and a violation of the law, on the grounds that federal law cannot be upheld by citizens arrests – even if it’s done by outstanding vigilantes like these. Stephanie Corte, an immigrant rights strategist, said; “from the families’ perspective, it’s incredibly traumatising to have these people who are not law enforcement, who are carrying guns in the middle of the night… rounding them up”. Because being rounded up with guns in the middle of the night by people in uniform is much more comforting.


Larry and company should have also been more careful when claiming to be border patrol officers. Even the Customs and Border Protection was not pleased and “does not endorse private groups or organisation taking enforcement matters into their own hands”. A stern warning in case you’d never seen one. 


In the mean time, no arrests have been made. Neither will the customs and border protection concede whether this is illegal or not. So, if you’re lying awake because of all those illegal aliens entering the country and stealing all your jobs because a wall is not in place, rest assured, several armed fugitives are here to save the day. 

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