He’s Cheddar Off Without Them


He's Cheddar Off Without Them

Everything you learned from the film ‘Ratatouille’ is true (except the cooking rat part). French food reviewers are snooty and cruel. French chefs are one bad review away from completely losing their shit. This thesis was proved true after French celebrity chef, Marc Veyrat, sued Michelin after he was downgraded from three stars to two. 


Unsurprisingly, he lost the case. Then he demanded Michelin take away the two stars they actually did give him. They didn’t. 


Mr Veyrat is quoted as saying, “I don’t want to be part of the Michelin guide anymore. I don’t want to have to deal with these people. They are bad, bad, bad.” Veyrat went from being sad, sad, sad to mad, mad, mad. Michelin responded that the review was actually “really good.”


Michelin stars are the most prestigious award in the cooking industry. 


One is awarded to restaurants with excellent food; two are reserved for the best chefs out there and three for those who really have nothing better to do than hang out in a sweaty kitchen injecting oysters with saffron. 


They are awarded by the Michelin tire company whose mascot looks like a giant made out of toilet paper rolls. Why is a car tire company an expert on fancy French food? No one knows, but everyone goes with it. 


Well, pretty much everyone. Mr Veyrat questioned Michelin’s expertise.


He roasted the tire company for thinking the niche Reblochon cheese was actually the more pedestrian cheddar. The incident became known in France as cheddar-gate, a reference to the biggest scandal in American history, Watergate. Because of course, the French equivalent of Watergate doesn’t have to do with epic presidential cover-ups, but actually just has to do with cheese. 


The restaurant in question is named La Maison des Bois aka The House of Boyzzz. Kidding, it translates to the House of Wood. But don’t let the homey name fool you. This place is in a 5-star hotel, and one meal might set you back $400. Still, it totally seems worth it to be served anything but cheddar by a chef that is literally having a nervous breakdown. Does it get any more French than that? 


On the plus side, the lawsuit/breakdown publicity has led to a spike in the restaurant revenue. Perhaps that’s why Mr. Veyrat has vowed to “keep fighting against Michelin’s people.” What a champ. The world hasn’t seen such a hero since Andy “Blowjob” King offered to suck dick so Fyre Festival guests could have access to water.  


Not unsurprisingly, Mr Veyrat is known for (paraphrasing here) “talking shit.” Going out on a limb here, but maybe Veyrat would’ve earned that third star if he talked a little less shit and did a bit more cooking. Who knows in a few years, ‘On Veyrat’.

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