Hello, Dolly!

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Hello, Dolly!

British police have been using the “Dolly Parton Challenge” to track down wanted criminals. 

 

As they reshape themselves in the image of 1970s musical icons, maybe they’ll redesign their uniforms to look like “Leatherman” from the Village People. Maybe they’ll reprogram their sirens to ring out to “Roxanne you don’t have to put on the red light” by The Police. 

 

For those who don’t know, the Dolly Parton challenge is an internet meme where people post four different photos of themselves, deeming each one appropriate for LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram and Tinder. Usually the photos all look pretty similar (except in the Tinder one, where the person is always shirtless). 

 

Like most internet challenges, there is literally no point to it. (Except for the ice bucket challenge which apparently raised a ton of money for ALS).

 

Anyway, this particular internet challenge raised no money for anyone. But it did inspire the Police (the law enforcement agency, not the band. The band hasn’t been inspired since 1983). 

 

The Cleveland UK Police organized various pictures of their suspects into the LinkedIn-Facebook-Instagram-Tinder collage and then posted it, asking “Have you seen wanted man Scott Mizsei, 32?” 

 

The Cleveland Police never addressed how they were able to access Scott’s Tinder profile. (Did they catfish him?) 

 

The Durham Police pulled a similar maneuver, searching for a suspect named Paul Bishop. Not sure they understood the Dolly Parton challenge though, because they basically just posted the same photo four times (and he wasn’t even shirtless in the Tinder version). 

 

No one knows whether the police ever ended up catching Scott and Paul. And nobody really cares (except, presumably, Scott and Paul). At this point, the ability to do a job is far less important than the ability to be clever on social media. 

 

The British Police have never been more celebrated and praised by the general public. It’s not because they caught criminals. It’s not because they saved lives. It’s because they impersonated Dolly Parton. 

 

In other news Boris Johnson recently approved of Huawei bringing 5G into Britain. At first he was really concerned that the Chinese government would be able to use the 5G to spy on British law enforcement and intelligence. Then he realized that law enforcement was spending all its time recreating Dolly Parton’s instagram posts and he was like “eh.” 

 

If Huawei does end up spying on Britain, maybe the government will use the Dolly Challenge to try and catch the spies. 

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