Heatstroke 2022


Heatstroke 2022

Qatar has taken a leaf from the book of simple solutions to tackle rising temperatures and climate change.


Inspired by Greta Thunberg’s nightmares, the Gulf State is now placing air conditioning units outside, as well as inside football stadiums, to cool the desert air in preparation of the 2022 World Cup. The reason for this, aside from monumental stupidity, is Qatar’s concern that a desert can be a hot place.


Of course, one could ask why Qatar is hosting the World Cup in the first place. Not only has Qatar’s national team never qualified for a World Cup despite 12 attempts, but athletes also don’t tend to perform well in a desert made Louis Vuitton shop. 


When Doha hosted this year’s World Athletics Championships, 28 of the 68 marathon starters failed to finish due to the heat. Many of whom needed to be removed in diamond-studded golden wheelchairs. 


What’s more, four thousand guest labourers are projected to die of heat stress by the time any ball is kicked around. To be fair, it’s not just heat-stress as other deaths are related to either a lack of safety equipment or suicides. 


But worry no more. 


According to ‘Dr. Cool’, a.k.a. Saud Abdul Ghani, the football stadiums can be cooled down to 6 degrees Celsius on the inside, a 44-degree difference with the outside. 


The country’s leading A/C engineer, also praised the future potential of this solution; “Chinese and Americans will be very interested” and “with global warming, even Europeans need to look at this carefully”. 


On the downside, the cost of the stadium is said to be two or even three times as expensive as it would otherwise be. Then again, many migrants are left to go hungry by not being paid at all, so that should offset keeping everybody cool for the time being. 


Despite the kindergarten solutions to a problem that needn’t exist, Qatar’s government maintains the event will be carbon neutral. All emissions resulting from the stadiums, including global travel to the World cup, will be offset. See, despite the harsh regime, Qatar does have a sense of humour after all. 


Not only is Qatar the largest exporter of Gas and the highest emissions per capita, but it’s also home to the fastest temperature rise in the world. Hard to see what might have brought this about when ‘leading’ scientists believe turning the entire state into an air-conditioned handbag will solve global warming.

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