Ghosn ghosts an entire country


Ghosn ghosts an entire country

Carlos Ghosn is a French-Lebanese-Brazilian businessman who fled Japan to Lebanon via Turkey while out on bail. Talk about an international man of mystery. He’s kind of like James Bond (if James Bond was 5’7 and 65 years old). 


Japan was roasting Ghosn, who is the former CEO of Nissan, for diverting company funds for his own use. Ghosn argues that they were just trying to stop him from facilitating a merger between Nissan and Renault. That’s the boring backstory part no one is talking about. The sexy part is how Ghosn pulled off his great escape. 


Was it in a box? Was it in a guitar case? If so, how did he fit in a guitar case? Rumors are flying left right and center. Did he wear a surgery mask to cover his face? Does Netflix have a deal to make a movie about his life? Does he (like Regina George) have hair that’s insured for $10,000? Just kidding. He’s balding. 


Ghosn’s escape was meticulously planned; he sought advice from some of the greatest minds of our time about mitigating his predicament. AKA he met with a Hollywood director who he tried to convince to make a movie about him. He wanted the movie to make him seem like a hero and make Japan seem evil. No word yet on whether he was planning to get Matt Damon  or another super white guy to play the Japanese antagonist. 


Who did Ghosn want to play himself? Based on his dramatic escape, it’s safe to say he imagines himself as a French-Lebanese-Brazilian version of Dwayne the Rock Johnson. (The truth is, he’s actually more of a French-Lebanese-Brazilian version of Danny Devito). 


Either way, Ghosn is (appropriately) taking ghosting to a whole new level. He even ghosted his own lawyers who were holding onto all three of his passports.


His reasoning was that he knew he wouldn’t get a fair trial in Japan. To be fair, the Japanese conviction rate on these cases is over 99%. The system is more rigged than those annoying claw games at arcades. The guy really just did what any reasonable person in that scenario would do: get into a guitar case, go to Lebanon and then try to make a movie about himself. 


Welcome to 2020. Carlos Ghosn is being pursued by the entire nation of Japan and you can’t even get a text back. 

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