Brexit Day: A party with no bongs
Interested in hitting the hottest party in London next Friday? Look no further than Nigel Farage’s Brexit Day rager (9pm-11pm on Friday Jan. 31st). He’s super hyped up because 19,000 people are “interested” in attending. (No offense, but that’s like 100,000 less than the people interested in attending Azeem’s Senior Flute Recital).
There won’t be any fireworks. There won’t be any bongs (well, there won’t be any bongs from Big Ben…no word yet on the other kind of bong). What will there be? A lot of boring speeches.
It’s shaping up to be a pretty hot ticket. At normal Friday night parties, you might be jamming out to the latest hits of Kendrick Lamar and Taylor Swift. Not at this one. The public are being asked to submit new lyrics to popular songs to make them about Brexit, turning the entire event into a sing-a-long.
The real question is, who are submitting these new lyrics? Is anyone really like “Instead of binge watching on Netflix tonight, I’m going to rewrite low-key xenophobic lyrics to ‘Mr Brightside’ and ‘Wonderwall’?”
The sing-a-long is just a coverup for the fact that the party’s main attraction (the bong of Big Ben) was a no-go. It turns out that, because Ben is under construction, it would cost £320,000 for the clock tower to ring. The House of Commons Commission said that spending that much taxpayer money on a ring would be “unprecedented.” (Even though that’s basically the same amount taxpayers spent on Meghan Markle’s wedding ring.)
Despite the huge price tag and relative pointlessness, people still really want the bong. This is super out of character for the British people, who have never fought for something vastly expensive and pointless just out of “national pride.”
The Standup4Brexit group started a crowdfunding campaign to raise money for the bong. Even PM Boris Johnson asked the public to “bung a bob for Big Ben bong.” Don’t people have better things to do with their bobs than pay for the equivalent of clock tower viagra?
Apparently not. The crowdfunding raised £150,000. Still, the conflict over the bong rages on. Boris has even considered bringing it to a parliamentary vote. (Because a PM calling a vote for something random has worked out so well in Britain in the past).
Still waiting to hear whether there will be a six month extension on the Big Ben bong question. #BongMeansBong. What we do know is that, according to Leave Means Leave, the Brexit Day Party will be “a joyous and festive affair” (which is tbh the perfect description for an event full of old white people doing a sing-a-long).