Alex Jones 101


Alex Jones 101

An Introduction

If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be hit by a short-bus of alt. right propaganda, conspiracy theories and straight up crazy, wonder no more! Just tune into Alex Jones’s Info Wars. It’s all about weeding out the fake news, it’s about patriotism (as long as the compatriots are of the same disposition as him – otherwise they’re baby murdering lib-tards), and it’s also about survival! Yeah, that last one seems a bit out of left field, but actually it’s genius. He provides the full scope of everything the tin-foil hat wearing, subterranean bunker dwelling, bucket shitting conspiracy mole people could ask for.


On his site, Jones even sells life-saving supplements, so you too can follow his example and attain the physique of a two-week-old carcass that’s been pulled out of a Florida swamp on the 14thof July. He’s got ‘Survival Shield X-2’ (makes the X-1 look like a bitch!), ‘DNA Force Plus’, ‘cause you can never have too much DNA, and a Privacy Pouch, which is basically a matching tin-foil hat for your phone.


It seems he doesn’t quite have the whole patriotism thing down so well, though. For someone who drapes himself in the star-spangled banner and probably gets a little *excited* when he hears little boys hold the final ‘hooooooooooome’ in the national anthem before NFL games, he sure throws a lot of shade on the government in charge of this eagle-humping greatness. He delicately balances a strange dichotomy of spewing hate toward the state any chance he gets and telling people to ‘get outa here’ if they have the audacity to say mass-shootings by assault rifles might have something to do with assault rifles.


Whatever you make of Alex Jones, fear mongering hate preacher, or Robin Hood of truth, he’s certainly managed to carve out a niche for himself in the media and follows a strict ‘different strokes for different folks’ policy. If this guy is in fact your stroke, I’ve got this time-share in Arizona – hit me up.

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