Republicans not going to Florida for convention

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Republicans not going to Florida for convention (still going to Florida to sunbathe and play golf)

Donald Trump has cancelled the Republican National Convention in Jacksonville, and there’s really only one explanation as to why. (No, it’s not that he’s worried about public health and safety in the middle of the coronavirus outbreak). It’s obviously because he doesn’t want to get pranked by Kpop fans again a la his last rally in Tulsa. 

 

There have been many losses over the past few months due to COVID. But nothing is a bigger loss than the 24/7 news coverage of a bunch of conservative 70 year old white men with botox and double chins complaining about immigration and not wearing masks. 

 

Trump’s decision to cancel the RNC in Florida came just hours after a new poll showed that he was beating Biden in Florida by 13 percent. (Which really shouldn’t be all that surprising considering half of Florida is Trump-owned resorts and the other half is old white people who sit in barcaloungers all day watching Tucker Carlson). 

 

The convention was initially moved from Charlotte, North Carolina to Jacksonville after the governor raised concerns about coronavirus. But instead of doing the mature thing and cancelling then, the republicans decided to take their queues from college seniors on spring break, and just head down to Florida. 

 

Eventually though, they came to their senses when they realized that none of their bodies were bathing-suit ready, and Trump finally pulled the plug.  However, they have decided they will still have some pared-back events in Charlotte. In other words, this whole saga has more twists and turns than the Mandalorian. 

 

It’s also still unclear what those pared-back events will look like and how exactly pared back they’re talking. Fifty guys in a Radisson convention hall? Twenty guys on a party bus? Five guys in a motel hot tub?

 

Florida Republicans who have been scrambling to put together the convention reportedly received little to no heads up from Trump before he announced the cancellation. Hopefully they can get their money back from the 5,000 mini quiches and Keep America Great coffee mugs they ordered in advance. 

 

When Trump publicly announced the RNC cancellation, he said, “it’s not the right time” — which is incidentally what tons of Americans about his decision to run for president four years ago. 

 

The good news is that cancelling the RNC will be a safer and healthier choice for everyone involved. And no one service workers will have to risk their lives bringing Mike Pence room service.

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