Lukashenko fancy dress party might be over


Lukashenko fancy dress party might be over

The last shreds of legitimacy for ‘Europe’s last dictator’, Alexander Lukashenko, is being called into question after he won the recent Belarussian election a little too convincingly, that is, with over 80% of the vote. On 84% voter turnout Lukashenko received four and a half million votes, securing a massive majority over the only opposition candidate. 


Some experts have observed that these figures would mean that in some parts of Belarus voter turnout must have been as high as 120%. Pro-democracy advocates argue that his shows beyond all doubt that the election was rigged. Mr Lukashenko must have conscripted help from Hillary’s dead Democrats and illegal immigrant voters. 


But in all seriousness, Alexander Lukashenko has been in power Belarus since 1994. Which means that he is now on his sixth presidential term of office in an alleged democracy. During his reign freedom of the press and free elections have been brutally supressed. 


Lukashenko himself, who at this stage might well be a mummified corpse held together with steroids and blue tak, still wears the traditional uniform of the Communist Party at military events and sports a comb-over to rival Benjamin Netanyahu. Someone should really let him know that 1990 was thirty years ago. 


Opposition leader, Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya, who only stood in the recent election because her activist husband was arrested two days after he announced his intention to stand against Lukashenko. You see, for a relic of the cold war like Lukashenko elections are only fair when he’s the only choice on the ballot paper. 


Since the results were announced mass protests have broken out across Belarus, receiving widespread international attention. Some 200,000 people have protested in over the past two weekends, with another rally planned in Minsk on Sunday. 


Pressure from the international community for fresh elections has too been strong. So strong indeed that Lukashenko suspects he is about to be invaded by NATO allies Iraq-style. ‘They want our market to sell our products’ said the President. 


Although, he shouldn’t flatter himself. Belarus’s economy is a hangover from the Soviet Union and he’s not sitting on an ocean of oil. So, he shouldn’t expect a visit from the WMD inspectors any time soon. 

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