Lockdown 3 in ‘public interest’… but the public aren’t interested


Lockdown 3 in ‘public interest’… but the public aren’t interested

In a final 2020 curveball, the British government announced that a new strain of the Coronavirus had left it no choice but to close the South-Eastern part of England (including London) down. People within the so-called ‘tier 4’, can’t leave to other parts of the country, visit others within the zone or celebrate Christmas with their loved ones.



What they can do is already experience the consequences of a no-deal Brexit as this is causing massive delays in essential transport and most other countries are now making it impossible for Brits to enter. To complete the picture, you could drape your children in Union Jacks and live exclusively on chlorinated chicken. This little taster should give affected Brits at least 11 days to reconsider their 2016 vote.



Boris Johnson conceded not to know much about this new strain, and that there are ‘too many uncertainties’ around it. But, what he does know for sure is that it’s definitely not more dangerous and that vaccines will definitely work on it. Those police officers at train stations and airports you ask? Yes, the ones with the guns – they just happened to be in the area.



Predictably, and much like in every European country, people saw the few hours between the announcement and the entry into force as a queue to run en masse to their local train station. In a ‘Grab your dog, your five children, 3 of your best friends and run for the border before the lockdown infects us’, sort of way.



This is the problem with the measures; a) they act as a dog whistle for people to run around by the thousands to see just how much saliva they can exchange out on the streets before the fun’s over b) They’re designed to serve the public interest, but the public is just no longer interested.



Perhaps what we need is a visionary to deal with this new strain and to find a way around this lockdown conundrum. Someone with impeccable logic, integrity, preferably surrounded by a team of weirdos and misfits. Has anyone tried Barnard Castle yet?

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