Huckabee, Baby, Don’t Say a Word


Huckabee, Baby, Don't Say a Word

It is the end of an era. As momentous as the fall of Rome and as unavoidable as the extinction of the dinosaurs – a victim of cosmic destruction. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is no longer the Deputy Press Secretary… as of next month.


This has been a long time coming. Not because the Trump administration has a higher turnover of crap than the Times Square M&M store, but because, in truth, Huckabee Sanders already stopped doing her job. About three months ago, to be exact. Paid leave of absence sounds more like the other Sanders. But, now it’s official: she will leave us in but a month’s time. 


She will be missed. The way she would scramble to defend Trump verbally high-fiving white nationalists. How she would move on to the next reporter mid-answer with a slight undertone of ‘phew, this is going rough’ and the effortless grace with which her eyebrows danced upon her forehead, coming to a wrinkled halt like they couldn’t believe what was being stuttered just inches below them. She stuck it out for almost two years, after Sean Spicer had already gotten too spicy after just over half a year. She was one of the greats. She will be missed.


There will be haters, who will exploit her bold-faced lies to tarnish her legacy, but let’s not be so blinded by the truth to keep us from celebrating her achievements. Let us instead remember her for the times Trump made her job so impossible she had no choice but to lie! 


Like when she was thrown into the deep end before she even had time to put on her water wings. Why was FBI Director James Comey fired? Christ, that’s one hell of a deep end – more like rapids with shark-riding crocodiles. What was she going to say? That the President was, in his own words, ‘f***ed’? No way, José! What? José’s been deported? No way, Jeff! 


Like a cornered cat, with her back up against the wall, she extended her claws and went for the jugular. ‘He lost the confidence of the rank and file members of the FBI’ she said, ‘the American people had lost confidence in his ability to do the job’, she told us. ‘The job’ being indicting her employer?


Luckily the American people generally really couldn’t tell Comey from Tom, Dick, or even Harry before this whole fiasco began. So, She could shake it off as a ‘slip of the tongue’ and the press were happy-ish…


It’s safe to say Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ relationship with the press was strained. Not ideal for a Deputy Press Secretary. It could have to do with their incessant nagging on who called whom the n-word, how much hush money was being paid to porn stars, or if foreign governments had interfered in the election. 


It also could have been the accusations she levelled at the press for disreputable journalistic practices. Eh, guess we’ll never know. What we do know is that Trump is going to have a hell of a time finding someone who will be as committed to cleaning up after him like Huckabee Sanders was. She was basically sent in to clean up after a hurricane with a sponge and a leaky bucket. At some point, it’s not giving up if you quit, it’s just insanity if you stay. 

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