Corbyn gets the flush

Tory MP Mark Field has been in the news for pushing and grabbing a female Greenpeace protester at a dinner. The protester in question was about to interrupt Chancellor Philip Hammond’s speech to question him on climate change, but Mark Field’s ‘strong and stable’ grip quickly put an end to that: 

Watch as Tory MP for Cities of London & Westminster @MarkFieldUK grabs a Greenpeace protester who interrupted a Philip Hammond speech in London tonight https://t.co/wZTzEC8lKF pic.twitter.com/tJuwCZ1P0X

— ITV News (@itvnews) June 20, 2019

Mark’s initial response was that he reacted ‘instinctively’ (which surely doesn’t bode well for his missus) and that he was worried that the protester was armed. And indeed she was armed, with strong arguments to remind the Chancellor of the fact that the next Tory meeting could be held under water.

Of course, if she had been a bazooka wielding ninja, Mark would have been a hero. But, aside from her arsenal capable of annihilating any conservative argument, it turns out she wasn’t physically armed.  No knife, no nuclear warheads and not even a milkshake to defend herself. So why did Mark go all Jason Bourne on her when no one else in the room seemed concerned? 

It turns out, Mark doesn’t like protesters. Especially not the green ones. In April this year, Mark wrote to the Met Police to voice his concerns over the London climate protests. He writes that even though he “respect(s) the right to peaceful protest as a key part of out democratic tradition”, the police needs to “take a much firmer grip on this problem”. The Police probably thought that was a figure of speech, so Mark wanted to show them how it’s done.

Mark Field has since been forced to apologise by just about every Twitter user and newspaper. What’s more, Theresa May was so shocked that she decided to suspend him. Bet Mark’s kicking himself for not waiting for Boris to take office before he unleashed his jiujitsu skills. He’d probably gotten a promotion out of it. What’s more, given that the protester was a woman, Mark’s (otherwise stellar) reputation for women’s safety has taken a bit of a beating:

Others have argued the reaction would have been significantly worse if this had happened in the United States, which is a bit like saying, ‘she should count her lucky stars that she wasn’t killed’. In any case we’re not convinced that this is the best argument for relaxed gun laws and rifles at events. Before you’ve even had the chance to pull out a map of the ozone layer, someone will have ‘instinctively’ fired bullet at you.

Maybe there’s more to all of this. Why else would Mark ruin his career over some grass eating hippy? Perhaps this is an elaborate ruse to distract from the other political dramas the Conservatives are currently dealing with. Alternatively, fighting protesters is just Mark’s favourite pastime. Yesterday the police was called after loud noises and an altercation was heard at Boris Johnson’s girlfriend’s house. It turns out she’s an environmentalist…Coincidence? We think not.