Corbyn gets the flush

Gavin Williamson just got fired by the Theresa May for allegedly leaking information from the National Security Council about Huawei. Gavin has denied the allegations, but Theresa May put her foot down, thereby making her second decision since coming into power. (The first one being to hold hands with the Donald)

Aside from the fact that being fired by Theresa May would ruin anybody’s street cred, let’s find out a bit more about Gavin. Who was Gavin and does it matter he is no longer? 

Gavin is one of those token Tories who didn’t grow up in a manor. His parents were not of means, and as a result, he didn’t end up at either Eton or Oxford, but his masochistic side saw him become a National Chairman or Conservative Students. 

As an MP, Gavin prioritised stopping poor people from selling things from their cars and he made sure a post woman, Julie Roberts, got her job back after her van got stolen with her on top of it. The Tories were so impressed with this that he briefly became the Secretary of State for Transport after which he got the privilege of being David Cameron’s Parliamentary Private Secretary to eventually become Chief Whip. To make sure he was to be taken seriously, Gavin didn’t succumb to peer pressure on Downing Street to adopt a cat. Instead, he kept a live tarantula on his desk. At least now we know what it takes to keep the Tories in check. Although, if they were divided with a deadly spider there, we can only imagine the state they’ll be in now.

Once he rubbed Theresa May up to become Prime Minister, Gavin catapulted his way into being in charge of the nukes. As Defence Secretary, he really got into his own. Months after getting into office he had gladly accepted 30k to dine with a Russian politician’s wife, accused Corbyn of betraying Britain and supported the Saudis intervening in Yemen. His diplomatic side really came through when after the Salisbury poisonings he said that the Russians should “shut up and go away” (Eton and/or Oxford could have really helped him here). 

When it came down to big tech, Gavin also had a clear position – he claimed Huawei could not be trusted because the Chinese government sometimes acted in a “malign way”. That one might come back to haunt him. 

As for the burning question, Brexit, Gavin was a firm Remainer and made sure the country would be safe by keeping 3500 soldiers on standby in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Although one does wonder what sort of instructions these soldiers were given? Shoot any defectors jumping off the cliffs to the promised land? 

Now that Gavin’s gone, the Tories are faced with an issue. Most of their manpower has been used up in the revolving doors of the Foreign and Brexit Secretary seats, so where on earth will they find someone under the age of 50 and somewhat in touch with society fill the post of Defence Secretary?