Not in the News: Want Milk?


Want Milk?

California based Forever Young Inc. recently launched its new product on the shelves of all major supermarkets across the world. “Mama’s milk” the name, breast milk the game.


Forever Young has contracted over 1 million women across the developing world, including Africa and Asia, to provide breast milk to the company.


Fritz Brust, CEO, explains that, “This not only because cost per litre is significantly lower, but also because EU and US regulations require milk-producing humans to declare how much is produced for commercial gain.”


The milk will be stored at the brand new state of the art refrigeration centre in Morocco whose location will remain secret.


The benefits of Mama’s milk, according to Forever Young, are endless. It can cure male pattern baldness, increase IQ by 56 points, and reverse ageing has been documented by several prominent Facebook and Instagram influencers.


Remember the Fyre Festival fiasco? The youngest person there was 87 years old!


But its primary market will be women of the Western world who are now so busy and equal to their male counterparts they have no more time to breastfeed their child.


In the launch phase, a 330 ml bottle will sell for $33. Too much? A more portable shot-sized portion will only set you back $5. Forever Young’s projections indicate $1 trillion revenues, which will hopefully offset California’ debt in a matter of weeks.


Several prominent investors, such as Donald Trump Jr., expressed an interest in developing the product and have admitted to consuming it regularly.


Equally, Boris Johnson also admitted he was a big fan and said he wouldn’t dream of doing a televised debate before a pint of the good stuff. Others include Vladimir Putin, the late Micheal Jackson (nothing to do with the milk), and the World Bank who claims this is the single largest aid project ever undertaken by a US company.

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